Caress my fragile bones

Kiss my melting flesh

Craddle me in your arms

Kindly patch my gentle wound

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HW: 140lbs
LW: 111lbs
CW: N/A
GW:120lbs
GW2:117lbs
GW3:114lbs
UGW:88LBS

Suicide seems like a pretty good idea right now

*runs and overdoses on trazodone and xanex*

So it's around the first of September 2009.

I'm now a freshmen in college.

I'm starting to make friends.

I'm somewhat content with my classes.

I'm not broke.

I'm not fat.

I am depressed.

I am lonely.

I am empty.

I feel maybe I could have another mental breakdown again any day. I need to find a psychiatrist fast, I'm running out of xanex and my trazodone prescription has about 7 more refills.

I don't know if I'm happy, sad or inbetween. I wish I knew what I was instead I'm left here wondering.......

but I do know one thing......I'm alive.....I'm here and thats still not good enough.

I'm  in my new dorm, I've made a few new friends since moving in, I've been eating, eating healthy, and making good choices. I left my scale back in nashville so when ever I want to weigh myself I have to head over to the Physical Activity center.

 but anyways my roomate is okay I don't think I want him to see me eat, I don't want anyone to see me eat ugh. I'm just trying to lose a pound or two a week. Try to exercise 4 days a week and get rest.

kimochi

I used to care if people read this or not but now it doesn't matter.

I'm very ashamed at myself for not completing my 7 day fruit fast. I binged hard for 2 days now today I've got my act together and trying to eat healthy.

I've heard it a zillion times but breafast makes all the difference. I went to the Evergreen Chinese Buffet and had self control I did get 3 plates, with sushi, vegetables, and mostly rice. Which is still all bad so much grease.

I lose 5 lbs in 4 days, yah me ( I guess) but I've gain like 2.5 back (lame)

How can I fall in love when I don't know what love is?........

I've been listening to Placebo non stop and Xanex is my new best friend.

2 more days until I leave for college.

I saw my dad at the supermarket begging for money, I had to give him 10 bucks. I'm sick of him, I'm sick of my mom being sick I'm sick of being sick or thinking I'm sick.

I wish I had a real disease, I need to die

A sight to see........